Be With ...
Some time ago, I was walking through a park and noticed the different ways mothers connected with their toddlers as they walked and strolled together.
Some moms had a coffee cup in one hand and their child in tow. Their eyes were a little glazed over, and their minds seemed to be somewhere else. They were physically with their child, but in that moment, they weren’t really with anyone.
Other mothers were completely focused on their children—talking, asking questions, pointing things out, changing their tone of voice, and creating one experience after another. These were moms on steroids! They were definitely WITH their children.
It made me wonder: What kind of connector am I?
We all connect with people differently, and even the way we connect can change from one moment to the next. Sometimes we are passive and somewhat disconnected from the people around us. Other times, we may move in so closely that there isn’t much room left for the other person to breathe—emotionally, psychologically, intellectually, or even physically.
Neither extreme creates healthy connection.
Jesus gives us an interesting picture of what connection looks like. Mark 3:14 says that Jesus appointed the twelve “that they might be with Him and that He might send them out to preach.”
Notice the order: be with Him… then be sent out.
Before Jesus gave His disciples something to accomplish, He invited them into relationship. He wanted them to spend time with Him, to know Him, to listen to Him, and to experience life with Him. The doing came after the connection.
To really connect with another person, we have to make room for them. We need to listen—not just to their words, but to their intent. We need to try to see things from their perspective and understand what they are trying to communicate before we rush in with our own thoughts and answers.
We don’t want to do less—that can feel uncaring or disconnected.
But we don’t want to do more either—crowding someone with our opinions, solutions, questions, or perspectives until they hardly have room to be themselves.
Healthy connection requires presence without pressure.
This can be practiced in two directions:
- Give God room to express Himself to you. Take time to listen, seek to understand, and then respond.
- Give people room to express themselves. Take time to listen, seek to understand, and then respond.
Being with someone is more than being in the same room. It means being present enough to notice them, curious enough to understand them, and secure enough not to have to control the conversation or the outcome.
So, when you walk through a park or neighborhood, sit in a coffee shop, gather around the dinner table, or simply move through your day with the people God has placed around you, what kind of connection will they experience from you?
Will they experience someone who is merely nearby?
Or someone who is truly with them?
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